


one step closer

by lefargen



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Childhood Friends, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, M/M, Renjun Harem, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:16:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26227795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lefargen/pseuds/lefargen
Summary: To put it simply, Renjun is Jisung’s first love. Unfortunately for him, Jisung isn’t Renjun’s first love. Or his second. Or his third, or fourth, or fifth. Jisung learns the hard way that love and fate can work together in a way that is positively cruel, breaking his heart over and over again. Jisung stays by Renjun’s side anyway because, well, relationship or not, Jisung thinks that’s just how it’s meant to be.or 5 times Jisung watches Renjun fall for someone else, and one time he finally gets a chance at love himself.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Mark Lee, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Park Jisung, Huang Ren Jun/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 17
Kudos: 225





	one step closer

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be like 4k words but i got carried away....
> 
> rensung nation this is for you!!!!

Jisung meets Renjun when he is 4 years old, and the older boy is 6. Jisung is at the same park he has been to probably a million, bajillion times, and he has _never_ seen this boy before. He is small, with a petite frame, yet his voice is loud and boisterous. He is bossing the other kids around, gathering them for a game. Jisung runs his little legs towards him, because he wants to play too. 

“Do you want to play?” the boy asks, and Jisung takes note on the way the boy speaks. It’s different from what Jisung is used to, and he is too young to understand the concept of accents. 

“You talk funny,” Jisung replies, not meaning any harm. However, the boy in front of him doesn’t take his words lightly. 

Renjun pushes Jisung’s head into the sand until the boy cries. He then leaves to go play with every child currently at the part except for him. It definitely doesn’t feel like love, but Jisung is too young to understand that love can grow. 

Jisung avoids the park for the next week, refusing to go even when his mom suggests it. The last thing he wants is another mouthful of sand. Unfortunately for him though, he is only 4 years old, and doesn’t make most of his own decisions yet. 

His mother forces him to go eventually, seeing how frustrated her son is at not being able to let out all of his energy during the day. He is hesitant, but once he sees the coast is clear and free from bullies, he starts to have fun. He is playing in the sand when a figure approaches him. 

Jisung's eyes immediately fill with tears upon locking eyes with the boy who shoved him into the ground. He’s terrified that he’ll end up with another mouthful of sand and lonely day of playing. 

To his surprise though, the boy looks apologetic. “I’m sorry for pushing you,” he mumbles looking at the ground instead of at the boy in front of him. “I didn’t know you were only four, I wouldn’t have pushed you if I knew you were a baby,” he confesses. 

“I’m not a baby,” Jisung whines, scared yet dignified. “And I’m taller than you,” he adds, making the boy in front of him frown. 

“I’m only six, I still have time to grow,” he protests. “Anyways, I’m Renjun. Some of the other kids and I are going to play hide and seek, do you want to play too?” he asks, sticking a hand out. Jisung may be young, but he knows a peace offering when he sees it. He takes the hand that is extended and lets himself be pulled up by the boy with the funny voice. 

The two play together all afternoon, and Jisung learns about his older counterpart. Renjun is from China, hence why his words sound a bit odd to Jisung’s ears. He is kind and welcoming, willing to let anyone join in on the games they are playing. He also knows how to defend himself and others, and isn’t afraid to fight when he feels something or someone threatening. 

When Jisung’s mother calls his name, telling him it’s time to come home, the four-year-old frowns, not ready to leave his new friend. 

“Don’t worry,” Renjun offers, seeing the reluctance on his friend’s face. “I’ll be back tomorrow, we can play then.” Jisung is still hesitant, sad to be saying goodbye to such a fun afternoon. However, he can’t deny that he is a little hungry, and his mother is bribing him with a snack when he gets home. 

True to his word, Jisung meets Renjun at the park the next day. And the next day after that. And everyday until Renjun becomes a permanent fixture in the boy’s life. He is smart, brave, and funny, and he takes care of Jisung so well. It isn’t until Jisung is 13 that he realizes he has a crush on his best friend. 

To put it simply, Renjun is Jisung’s first love. Unfortunately for him, Jisung isn’t Renjun’s first love. Or his second. Or his third, or fourth, or fifth. Jisung learns the hard way that love and fate can work together in a way that is positively cruel, breaking his heart over and over again. Jisung stays by Renjun’s side anyway because, well, relationship or not, Jisung thinks that’s just how it’s meant to be. 

☽

(1)

At thirteen years old, not much bothers Jisung. He has a routine that he is content with, friends that take care of him, and a passion that refuses to waver. He’s a pretty great kid if he does say so himself. 

He goes to school, where he gets mostly A’s and B’s with the occasional C (math is hard okay?), and goes to dance practice as soon as his classes end. At the end of the day, when it’s time to go home, he walks out to find Renjun waiting for him. They walk home together everyday, rain or shine, and Jisung would be lying if he said this mundane part of his routine was not the highlight of his entire day. 

Most days, Jisung and Renjun stick together and go to each other’s houses (their apartment buildings are right next to each other’s) and do homework and hang out. Jisung is planning on inviting Renjun over after school today, wanting to show him a new move he learned at dance practice. 

However, when he walks out of dance practice to greet Renjun, he finds that the older boy is not alone. There is a tanned boy, taller than the both of them standing with him. Renjun introduces him as Lee Donghyuck. 

On the walk home, Jisung trails behind the two of them a little skeptically. Jisung has never been good with people he doesn’t know, and even though this is supposedly Renjun’s friend, he doesn’t feel like he can let his guard go. 

His quietness allows him to focus on watching the two older boys chatting casually. Jisung notes the lingering eyes, the soft chuckles, and the way their hands keep just barely brushing each other’s as they walk side by side. Jisung is shocked to see that at one point, Renjun, his bold and fearless hyung, is actually blushing. 

When they make it back home, Renjun turns to Jisung, acknowledging him for the first time in minutes, and smiles apologetically. “Since I’m having someone over today, we’ll have to hang out another time,” Renjun explains. “Besides, you’d probably be bored to death with us, we’re just going to be talking about grade 9 stuff anyways.” Jisung nods, trying not to look as bummed as he feels, and goes home to a lonely house. 

(Both of their parents have always worked a lot, which is part of the reason why they spend so much time together. Jisung has gotten used to the constant and comforting presence of Renjun, who distracts him from his absentee parents. Without him, the emptiness of his home is glaringly obvious.)

Donghyuck is with Renjun the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that one too. And soon, Jisung has accepted that Donghyuck is a permanent fixture in this routine of his, and though he doesn’t mind the boy, it certainly isn’t as special to him as it once was. 

Over time, it also becomes clear to Jisung that Donghyuck and Renjun are dating. They don’t announce it outright, but they make no effort to hide it. They start holding hands after the third day Donghyuck joins them on their walks home, and it only escalates from there. Donghyuck is more affectionate than anyone that Jisung has ever met before, and he clings to Renjun every chance he gets. To Jisung’s surprise, Renjun lets him. 

Jisung, admittedly, is not too fond of Donghyuck’s constant presence. Not only does he steal Renjun from him all of the time, but Renjun and Donghyuck argue all the time. Jisung hates seeing Renjun upset, and Donghyuck knows better than anyone how to get on his nerves. 

“Maybe you would be better at rock-climbing if you weren’t so short,” Donghyuck prods one day on their way home. Jisung is walking behind them, frown spreading across his features as the boy begins what is surely going to lead to another fight (their third this week.)

“That doesn’t even make any sense,” Renjun argues, “Rock climbing is about physical strength not height, which we all know you don’t have. I could climb faster than you any day.”

Donghyuck narrows his eyes, and the two continue back and forth, each getting more and more heated. They both fight dirty, but Donghyuck is not afraid to go for the jugular. 

“Why are you so fucking pissy all the time, Renjun. Maybe that’s why your parents never want to spend time with you,” Donghyuck spits. 

They all know that Donghyuck took it too far immediately. Renjun makes it obvious by the way he tears up, turning away from Donghyuck. Donghyuck makes it obvious by the way he tries to stammer out an apology, abandoning the argument entirely. 

Jisung, however, makes his opinion the most well-known, as he punches Donghyuck in the face without hesitation. They all stand still after it happened, shell-shocked and unsure of what to say. 

When Renjun finally turns to him, Jisung is half-expecting a thank you. However, the boy does not look pleased at all. “Jisung, stay out of it,” Renjun glares. “This is none of your business. Apologize to Donghyuck.” 

Jisung huffs in annoyance. “Sorry for trying to stand up for my best friend against a jackass like you,” he says directly to Donghyuck, before turning and running all of the way back to his apartment. 

When he finally makes it home, he spends the rest of the evening crying, though he isn’t sure why. Part of him thinks it’s the loneliness, of having to spend so many nights in this empty apartment. Another part of him knows it’s the worry he feels for Renjun, for being in a relationship that clearly isn’t working out for either party. 

But the largest, most all-consuming part of him knows that he is most upset because Renjun is angry at him. Renjun has yelled at Jisung many, many times before (practically 12 times a day), but has never spoken to him with actual venom in his tone. That is how Jisung knows that he crossed a major line, and he doesn’t know how to recover from this glaring mistake. 

From there, Jisung’s thoughts start to spiral, and he is sure that he has ruined his relationship with Renjun by butting his nose in where it didn’t belong. He barely sleeps, overthinking and stressing about losing the one person who has been there for him when no one, including his own parents, seemed willing to take on the role of companion. 

He goes to school the next morning exhausted, and barely focuses on anything other than staying awake. Dance practice is not much better. He constantly messes up steps, and by the end of it, he wants nothing more than to crawl into bed and forget everything. 

He practically runs out of the practice room by the time they are done, but stops dead in the tracks when he sees the sight of a familiar boy standing outside of the door, waiting for him. And for the first time in months, he is alone. 

Renjun doesn’t say a word, just offers a small smile and holds out his hand. Jisung latches onto it immediately and feels relief flood his body the entire way home. 

As they walk, Renjun explains a few things. First of all, Donghyuck and him broke up, deciding they would be better off as friends. Second of all, Renjun was worried about Jisung getting involved because he didn’t want him to have to deal with the negativity that surrounded their arguments. Lastly, he admitted that over the last couple of months, he missed the younger boy a lot. 

Renjun tries to apologize, and Jisung accepts it before he is even finished speaking. He wasn’t angry that Renjun had reprimanded him, and is just glad that everything seemed to work out. 

Renjun comes over to his little apartment, and immediately the place feels more alive than Jisung can remember in recent history. For the first time in forever, it feels like home again. 

“Let’s take a nap,” Renjun says gently, leading Jisung towards his bed. “You look pretty dead on your feet.” Jisung knows he can’t disagree with that statement, so he simply crawls under the covers, reaching for Renjun and pulling him close to his chest. 

When he wakes up hours later, he is alone. When he goes to investigate, he finds Renjun in his kitchen, opening containers of takeout. When the older boy notices his presence, he just smiles and waves him over. There is only one thing on Jisung’s mind and that’s _god I missed this_. 

“Hurry up and eat, there’s ice cream in the fridge. I just went through a breakup, which means I am entitled to eat my feelings and watch rom-coms for the rest of the week,” Renjun says, and Jisung is more than happy to indulge him. 

They cuddle up on Jisung’s worn-out couch, feeding each other ice cream and laughing at ridiculous plotlines of the movies they are watching. Jisung feels like nature is restoring itself after a natural disaster, like everything is falling into place exactly as it should be. And where Jisung is meant to be, is directly beside his favorite hyung.

(After the breakup, Donghyuck and Renjun surprisingly become best friends, no hard feelings. Jisung and Donghyuck also become friends after apologizing to each other, Donghyuck for being a dick and Jisung for punching him in the face. Renjun and Donghyuck settle their rock-climbing debate by having a competition, which Renjun wins, Jisung on the sidelines cheering him on the entire time.)

Soon after Renjun and Donghyuck break up, Jisung realizes that he is in love with Renjun. Coincidentally, at the same time, Renjun also falls in love. With someone else. 

☽

(2)

Funny enough, It’s Donghyuck who introduces Renjun and Mark to each other. “I think you two will like each other, you’re both annoying,” Donghyuck announced one day out of the blue. And he turned out to be right. After a couple of dates, Renjun and Mark made it official. 

While Jisung is struggling to come to terms with his own newfound feelings for Renjun, he can’t help but accept that Mark is a good guy. He is kind, smart, charismatic, and most importantly he treats Renjun very well. 

Unlike when Renjun was dating Donghyuck, the two of them don’t spend every waking moment together. This means that a couple evenings a week, Jisung gets Renjun all to himself. He finds himself less jealous than he thought he would be, given that he’s now fallen for Renjun too. 

Because deep down, Jisung knows that he occupies a special place in Renjun’s life that nobody could take away from him. It may not be exactly what Jisung wants in the moment, but it’s just enough of what he needs. 

To Jisung, Renjun’s happiness comes first, and Mark makes him so fucking happy that he can’t help but be supportive. 

Jisung likes Mark in his own way. In fact, he sort of idolizes the older boy. He has a loving family, lots of friends, hobbies he is talented at, and most importantly, the boy Jisung loves. In short, he has all of the things that Jisung desperately wants, but often can’t have. Part of him thinks that if he were more like Mark, things would start to go his way for once. 

Ever since Mark and Renjun started dating, Jisung has begun spending some weekends with the two boys as well as Donghyuck. The four of them make up their own little squad, and it’s the closest thing Jisung has ever had to a family. 

It’s probably at these outings where the mimicking starts. 

Jisung doesn’t notice the way he slowly starts to copy Mark’s mannerisms. He just looks at his hyung and thinks, “wow, that’s cool. I want to be more like him.” It begins with little things, like talking with his hands more and mimicking the way Mark speaks. 

Soon though, Jisung is joining the hip-hop club, and learning how to rap. It’s a fun passion, and Renjun has always said Mark looks hot when he’s rapping, so he figures that is an added bonus. 

It isn’t until Jisung highlights his hair the exact same way as Mark that someone starts to notice. And that someone is Donghyuck. 

“Jisung,” Donghyuck says to him one day, pulling him off to the side. The four of them had just arrived at the movie theater, and Renjun lost rock, paper, scissors, and therefore must buy all of them their snacks. Mark, being the loving boyfriend that he is, offers to help. 

“I can’t help but notice that you’ve kind of been copying Mark a lot lately,” Donghyuck says gently, like he is trying not to push any of the wrong buttons. Jisung just sighs in response. 

Deep down, Jisung knows what he has been doing, and can see his attempts to emulate the older boy. But still, it’s embarrassing to admit, especially because he knows deep down he is trying to change himself and become someone better. Someone like Mark. 

“I just… I don’t know. I’m trying to find myself I guess. I’m trying out different looks and trying to see what fits,” Jisung says defensively, arms coming up to hug himself in a show of vulnerability. 

“You don’t need to try out different styles, Jisung. We all love you just the way you are. Turning into Mark will just hide how special you are to everyone,” Donghyuck replies kindly, reaching out to Jisung and giving his hand a gentle squeeze. 

“Oh yeah because I am so great,” Jisung mutters sarcastically. “Look at all the people lining up to hang out with me. Oh, wait there are only three of them in this entire world, and they are all in this dingy movie theater,”

Donghyuck just stares at him sadly, and Jisung hates it. He hates the pity he knows that the older boy is showing him. It makes him feel even less than, like he isn’t on a level playing field with the other. There is no power in pity, this a fact Jisung knows quite well.

“The people who really matter will love you as you are. You’ll be miserable if you try to mold yourself into a person you think others will like, even if everyone wants to be your friend. It’s better to be yourself and have no friends than to be your friends and have no self,” Donghyuck finishes. 

“Wow thanks for that wisdom, Socrates,” Jisung says sarcastically. The last thing he needs right now is Donghyuck spewing Live Laugh Love bullshit at him when he is trying to have a nice night out. 

“I’m just trying to reason with you because I care about you and want to protect you. Renjun isn’t going to magically fall in love with you just because you’ve started acting like his boyfriend. I know that’s harsh, but I am trying to be honest with you,” Donghyuck reasons. 

_He knows_ , is the only thing Jisung can think. He thought he had been hiding his feelings well but here is Donghyuck standing in front of him and telling him that he is not as subtle as he thinks he is. Jisung feels exposed and raw by the revelation, but before he can respond, Mark and Renjun are walking over with their snacks. 

“What are you guys talking about?” Renjun asks, handing over gummy worms and a bottle of water to Jisung wordlessly. Jisung looks over to Donghyuck alarmed, scared Donghyuck will do something rash or mean or obvious. 

Instead the older boy just grabs his snacks from Mark, whines that they are going to miss the previews, and walks towards the theater. The rest of them follow dutifully and the conversation is successfully dropped. 

Jisung tries to pay attention to the movie, but the moving pictures float across the screen and then disappear before Jisung can even process what is happening. He is so lost in his thoughts, that he doesn’t even realize the movie has ended until Renjun nudges him, breaking him out of his trance to see that the lights are coming on and people are starting to leave. 

Renjun goes home with Mark that night, but not until Donghyuck assures him that he will get Jisung home safe. This is the night where Jisung realized that Donghyuck has officially become a reliable person in his life, rather than just being an extension of Renjun and his friendship. It’s nice to have someone who is aware of his secret yet refuses to judge him for it. It’s also nice to finally have someone other than Renjun who wants to love and protect him. 

☽

It’s a couple of weeks later and Jisung has definitely tried to dial back on the copying. Like Donghyuck said, pretending to be Mark isn’t going to make Renjun magically fall in love with him. However, there is one thing that he keeps up with, and that is the hip hop club. 

Tonight is their first showcase, and Jisung is very nervous. Not only because it’s his first time performing in front of an audience, but because his parents are coming. Jisung’s parents are seldom around, but their promise to be there meant the world to him. More than anything he wanted to make them proud. 

However, when he gets onstage and looks into the crowd, he doesn’t see a single familiar face. He tries not to let the disappointment show, but it’s evident across his face. When he gives his performance his heart isn’t in it, and he knows that he’s done better in practice, though he can’t bring himself to care. 

He was foolish to think that his parents would make time out of their busy schedule for him. 

Once he is done, he walks out of the auditorium, out of the building and sits on a bench outside. His parents were supposed to give him a ride home afterwards, and it’s too late to walk back by himself. 

Soon, others start walking out of the building, his fellow club members laughing with their families who are congratulating them on a good performance. Jisung just sits stoically, trying not to look. It’s hard to live in a world where you are constantly faced with all of the things he cannot have. 

He only looks up when he hears a familiar voice calling his name. He looks up and sees Mark standing several feet away from him, two people who must be his parents standing behind him. It only makes Jisung that much more bitter. 

Mark jogs over to him, kneeling down in front of him. “Jisung, what are you doing sitting out here by yourself? Where are you parents?” he asks incredulously. 

Jisung refuses to meet his eyes, “They didn’t come. They never come to anything, even though they promise they will,” he replies, voice sounding as empty as he feels. 

When he finally meets Mark’s eyes, he is once again greeted with that emotion he hates so much. Pity. And it causes Jisung to snap. 

“You must think I’m so pathetic,” Jisung laughs, voice containing absolutely no humor. “The way I try to emulate you in so many ways. Do you get it now? Why I am trying to be you? Because they don’t love me when I’m me. You have all these people who care about you, who show up for you and cheer you on. And here I am, alone on this stupid park bench and no one cares,” he finishes voice still and fragile, as he looks down at his hands. 

Mark doesn’t speak for a moment, and Jisung thinks he must have left, unsure of how to deal with Jisung and his outburst. To his surprise, he stays. 

“I care,” is all that Mark says, but it’s enough for the dam to break and the tears to start flowing. And once Jisung starts, he finds it really hard to stop. Mark pulls him in for a hug and holds him wordlessly, while his parents stand off looking at the scene in front of them worriedly. 

That night Mark’s parents drive him home, and when he gets out of the car, Mark follows him. Mark insists on staying the night, not wanting to leave the other boy alone. Jisung is grateful, not knowing if he could handle another night in an empty apartment. 

Mark only leaves the next morning after he’s made Jisung some seriously deformed eggs. However, his presence is immediately replaced with Renjun, who lets himself into Jisung’s apartment and immediately pulls him in for a hug. Mark must have told what had happened because he knows everything without Jisung having to explain himself. 

“From now on, anytime you have an event you tell me and I will show up,” Renjun promises. “Every showcase, award ceremony, performance, whatever just let me know. I am your family now and I will be there for you. You won’t have to go through this alone again, okay?” Renjun promises, and Jisung knows he means every word. 

The worst part of this whole ordeal is that his parents don’t even acknowledge the missed event, and it’s just another thing to add to the long list of all of the ways his family has disappointed him over the years. However, it’s not the worst thing that has ever happened to him. 

Because afterwards, Mark officially becomes family too. He shows up for Jisung when he asks, invites him to events and holidays with his own family, and becomes the big brother that Jisung never had. 

To his own surprise, Jisung actually feels disappointed when Renjun and Mark break up a year and half later when Mark goes off to college. The last thing he wants is for his little family unit to break up, but they both assure him that they still love each other dearly, and will remain friends regardless of what happens. 

“Aren’t you sad?” Jisung asks Renjun one night, when the two of them are cuddled up together watching a drama. “You guys were together for a really long time.”

Renjun looks ahead contemplatively before turning to Jisung. “If it’s meant to be he’ll come back to me. If not, someone else will come along and love me even better,” he shrugs, turning his eyes back to the screen. Jisung hopes desperately that someday, he will be that someone. 

☽

(3) 

After Mark and Renjun’s breakup, Jisung and Renjun start spending a lot of time together. Jisung’s feelings, which once felt like a pinch, a dull ache that he could easily ignore, came back full force like a sucker punch. 

With Mark no longer in the picture, Jisung finds himself able to occupy a lot of the free time that was previously held by Renjun’s ex-boyfriend. Luckily, Mark and Renjun kept their word and remained friends, meaning Jisung could keep Mark in his life as a mentor and big brother figure. However, Jisung can’t help but be thankful for the breakup, as it means that Renjun and him can spend more time together than ever. 

They still love to watch movies and tv shows together, though their tastes have changed to the point that they are almost exclusively watching content about space, aliens, and the universe. Jisung could spend hours talking about these topics, though most people lose interest rather quickly. Renjun is the one person in his life who will indulge him and listen to all of his theories. 

“Do you believe in alternate universes?” Jisung asks one night, the two of the hunched over bowls of ramen, inhaling the food as a midnight snack. It’s a question that has been on Jisung’s mind since the other day when he read a theory of multiverses on the internet. He’d been waiting for Renjun to have some free time between exams and college applications to finally discuss it with him.

Renjun looks contemplative for a moment, before shrugging his shoulders. “I mean… maybe? Everything is as possible as it is impossible, so I can’t say for sure. It’d be pretty cool though, don’t you think?”

Jisung looks down shyly, unsure of how to phrase his next question. “Do you think, if there are other universes out there, that we exist and are friends and stuff?” he asks nervously. Jisung isn’t sure why, but asking the question makes him feel vulnerable, like he is telling on himself. 

Renjun giggles, reaching out and flicking Jisung’s forehead, much to the younger boy’s dismay. “Of course, Sungie. We’re a package deal, in any universe,” he responds, voice simultaneously full of humor and deadly serious. It eases the tightness in Jisung’s chest. 

It’s easy for his thoughts to spiral. When Jisung thinks of the universe, he often feels loneliness settle so deep into his bones that they begin to ache. When space feels so big, it’s quite easy to, in turn, feel small. 

There are so many possibilities, but Jisung doesn’t want any of them if he has to experience them alone. Like everything he does during his humanly, earthly existence, he wants Renjun by his side for it all. 

When Jisung comprehends just how devastated he is for all of the Jisung’s in alternate universes who don’t have a Renjun to go through life with, that he truly understands how deep he has fallen in love with Renjun. 

The feelings have likely always been there, though they were not noticeable. It’s hard to have an epiphany for thoughts that have always been there, and Jisung has never been an expert on navigating relationships. But the gradual buildup over time has become too much for Jisung to ignore, and he knows more than anything that he needs to confess to Renjun. 

Because Renjun is leaving for University soon, and Jisung will be alone for the next two years (at least, depending on whether or not they end up at the same University), and Jisung is worried that if he doesn’t speak now he never will. 

Jisung spends months working up the courage, until graduation day comes and goes without a peep of romanticism from Jisung. Luckily for him, he has the entire summer before Renjun leaves, and he is determined to spend as much time as he possibly can with the older boy. 

The perfect introduction to this plan is the end of the year party Renjun invites him to. Jisung has admittedly never been one of the cool kids, and therefore has never attended a party before. This means that Jisung is very, very nervous. 

For moral support, he invites his closest friend from school, Zhong Chenle. Given that Renjun will most likely be hanging out with his fellow upperclassmen friends, Jisung is comforted by the fact that he has at least one person his age at the party. 

Jisung’s only plans for the night are to drink one beer just to try it, find Renjun and say hi so the older boy can admire the fact that he is wearing tight jeans and a flowy top, and try not to get into anyone’s way. Chenle is supposed to be his sidekick through this entire adventure. Things derail quickly. 

Not according to plan, when Jisung introduces Chenle and Renjun, his two best friends hit it off. They immediately launch into a conversation in chinese, and Jisung feels impossibly left out, given that he can’t even understand the language, much less join in their conversation. 

So Jisung changes his plan a little bit. He figures it’s a good thing that his two closest friends seem to get along so well, and maybe Chenle can become an ally for him, and help him convince Renjun that he should date Jisung. Only, Jisung is wrong again. 

Only one hour into the party, Chenle and Renjun start making out. Jisung looks on in horror as Renjun slips through his fingertips once again. 

Jisung doesn’t know how long he stands there, bitterly watching his two best friends makeout, but the only thing that pulls him out of his trance is Donghyuck coming over to pull him away. He doesn’t say anything, just brings Jisung to the kitchen and pours him a drink. Jisung accepts it graciously, desperate to have something to hold because he barely knows what to do with his hands. 

“I don’t think you need to watch that,” Donghyuck states simply, and Jisung can’t help but agree. “You can come hang out with me and my friends for the night, okay? Don’t worry about them, we can still have fun,” he assures him. Jisung nods dumbly, and follows him wordlessly. 

Donghyuck has always been able to distract Jisung whenever he is feeling down, and this moment is no exception. He teaches him different drinking games, introduces him to some dancers that he knows, and cracks jokes until Jisung finally smiles again. 

Jisung thinks back to a few years prior, when he punched Donghyuck in the face for being a brat to Renjun. While he doesn’t regret it (Donghyuck deserved it in Jisung’s opinion) he is so grateful that it didn’t tear their friendship apart. He would never admit it, but he kind of likes having Donghyuck around, kind of. 

Eventually it gets late, and Jisung receives texts from Chenle and Renjun that they’ve already left (and Jisung prays that they don’t mean that they left _together_ ). Jisung relays the message to Donghyuck, who promises to take him home. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Donghyuck whispers to Jisung as they get out of their uber. “It was probably just a one night thing. I’m sure you’ll have the rest of the summer to woo Renjun,” he comforts. Jisung clings to that thought, and it’s the only thing that helps him sleep that night. 

Unfortunately though, that isn’t the case. Renjun spends the entire summer before he leaves for college with Chenle. Jisung still hangs out with him often, but it’s mostly as a third wheel to both of his best friends. Though he is incredibly bitter about the situation, Jisung doesn’t want to waste the precious time he has left with the older boy, so he sucks it up. 

Jisung thinks back to his universe theory, and thinks about all of the other little Jisung’s out there. He hopes that at least one of them gets to be the main character in their story, because right now he is feeling like a supporting character in his own life. 

He also finds it harder to believe when Renjun said they’d always stick together. The summer drags on slowly, and Jisung begins spending more and more time alone.

The final week before Renjun leaves, Jisung hardly sees him at all. He’s much too preoccupied with packing up his items, organizing his stationary for the upcoming school year, and making out with Chenle. Jisung had always imagined that he would be there to help move the other boy into college, but he’s starting to realize that he isn’t so good at planning things out. 

Jisung is almost sure that Renjun is going to leave without even saying goodbye to him, and it hurts him more than he would like to admit. He feels so fucking bitter that the person he has spent practically his entire life with is so quick to ditch him for a boy he just met. Jisung doesn’t even bother replying to his messages anymore. 

However, the night before Renjun is set to leave, he shows up at his doorstep. Jisung is shocked to see him, almost positive that he would be spending his last night at home with Chenle, much like he had spent most evenings prior to this. Renjun has ice cream and ramen, and asks Jisung if he wants to talk about the universe one last time, for old times sake. 

Jisung agrees, though he is skeptical. He’s been hurt by Renjun a lot this summer, but he can’t resist spending the night with him for the last time in awhile. 

“I was thinking about what we talked about a couple months ago, about the universe theory. And how we probably exist in different circumstances in infinite lives all across the space of time,” Renjun begins, Jisung nodding along. 

He isn’t sure how ready he is to be talking about this again. The last time they had this conversation, Jisung was practically ready to confess, and now the idea sits hollow in his mind, completely empty and void of feeling. 

“And I know this isn’t exactly the same thing, but I was wondering if you believed in soulmates?” Renjun asks curiously, causing Jisung’s heart to drop. Does Renjun seriously believe that Chenle is his soulmate? Already? 

It takes a couple of seconds for Jisung to regain his thoughts, and when he finally looks up, he sees Renjun looking at him expectantly. He hesitates before replying, “I guess I used to, but now I think it’s too good to be true. I feel like, if anything, the universe has been preparing me how to be alone rather than how to be one half of a whole.” 

Renjun’s expression is so sad, that it makes Jisung curl in on himself, feeling utterly pathetic. “You’re not alone, Jisung. Not at all. You have me, you’ve _always_ had me,” he assures him pulling in for a hug. It does nothing to ease the blankness in his heart. 

“Not anymore. You’re going off to college, and I’m going to be stuck here by myself. You’ll move on and meet new, better people and I’ll be stuck here, in this stupid lonely apartment,” Jisung answers, surprising both of them with the bitterness of his statement. 

Instead of replying right away, Renjun pulls Jisung into his arms, and lays them down on Jisung’s small twin bed, which is barely large enough for them anymore. 

“I meant what I said the last time we talked about this. In every universe, the two of us, we’re stuck together. That’s not going to change when I go to college, and won’t change ever. We both had shitty parents that couldn’t be bothered to give us the time of day. But we’ve always had each other, and we were able to be our own little family. I’m more grateful for that then you will ever realize, Jisung,” Renjun confesses, and Jisung immediately tears up. 

Neither of them say anything else, just holding each other tight until they eventually fall asleep. Jisung wakes up the next morning to Renjun gently shaking him awake, already to go. 

“I need to go now, I have orientation and move-in soon. Take care Jisung, and I promise I’ll see you soon, okay?” Renjun whispers, leaning down and kissing him on the cheek. 

“Hyung…,” Jisung whispers back, as Renjun heads towards the door. “I-I love you,” he says, voice breaking just barely, not enough for the average person to catch on (though Renjun isn’t just the average person.) 

“I love you too, Sungie. Talk to you soon,” he waves, and just like that he’s gone. It’s not the confession Jisung planned on, especially since he knows Renjun didn’t understand what Jisung was truly trying to say, but at least he confessed. Even if Renjun didn’t realize that Jisung was trying to say that he is in love with him, he still confessed. 

He meets up with Chenle a couple of days later. The younger boy is as cheerful as ever, and soon proposes that the two of them go visit Renjun in a couple of weeks. 

“Maybe he’ll even introduce us to some cute college boys,” Chenle giggles, causing Jisung’s eyes to nearly bulge out of his head. 

“What?” Jisung questions. “Did you two decide to break up now that Renjun is going off to college?” It didn’t seem unheard of, especially when that’s the reason Mark and Renjun broke up, and their relationship was much more stable than the short term fling Chenle built with Renjun over the summer.

Chenle looks at him confused, “What do you mean break-up? We never dated?” Chenle replies. Now it’s Jisung’s turn to be confused. Chenle picks up on this, and explains the full story to Jisung. 

“We weren’t dating, we were just hooking up. I would have tried to date or whatever, but Renjun wasn’t interested so it was strictly platonic. No hard feelings, it was a fun time, and now I am ready for the next man to waltz into my life and sweep me off my feet,” Chenle jokes, cackling. Jisung can’t help but laugh too. 

This doesn’t feel like a win to Jisung, not really, but it sure is something. For the first time since the party at the beginning of the summer, Jisung has hope again. 

☽

(4) 

With Renjun at University, simultaneously nothing and everything changes. Jisung doesn’t see the older day practically everyday like he is used to, and instead fills his time investing in his hobbies and making friends. Jisung has made a great group of friends in his dance club, and him and Chenle continue to spend a lot of time together. 

However, that doesn’t mean that Renjun isn’t still a massive part of his life. They go and visit each other practically every other weekend, and are facetiming almost daily. It comforts Jisung knowing that Renjun kept his promise; he isn’t going to let Jisung feel alone and without family just because he spends his nights in an empty house.

Renjun has adjusted to university well. He dives deeply into his major (fine arts) and absolutely loves it, and has made a ton of friends, particularly with the Chinese exchange students. Jisung is glad that his favorite person has been able to find people in which he can be his true self with. 

One day over facetime, while Jisung is making himself dinner as Renjun complains about homework, he meets a new friend of Renjun's, someone he is unfamiliar with. He introduces himself as Na Jaemin and the sparkle in Renjun’s eyes is too familiar to ignore. 

Renjun likes Jaemin. It’s obvious in the way he holds on to every word the other boy speaks like a prayer, the way he offers to make him coffee with the expensive sugar he bought just for him, the way he is barely paying attention to Jisung despite being the one to call him.

And looking at Jaemin, Jisung honestly can’t blame him. The boy is stunning, and from the little he has interacted with him, he seems like a really nice guy. This suspicion is confirmed when Jisung visits the next weekend and meets him in person. 

Jaemin immediately attaches himself to Jisung, excessively doting on him as if he has known him his entire life. It seems as though Jaemin is content to adopt Jisung as his first born son, which Jisung doesn’t mind because it’s not as if he really has parental figures anyway. 

Jaemin is fond of Renjun too, but in a different, more subtle way. Jisung knows he’s lost the battle before it’s even begun, and accepts his fate. Jisung is content to accept that his love life is pretty stagnant, especially because things are going so well in all other aspects of his life. Maybe it's a fluke, but he thinks he might be getting over Renjun for real. 

(Okay, maybe it’s denial that he is actually feeling, but ignorance is bliss, and Jisung would rather pretend to be happy for his best friend instead of crying into a pillow every night like he’s done in the past. Oh the intricacies of unrequited love.)

“I really like him,” Renjun confesses that night, as the two lay side by side in Renjun’s shitty dorm bed. It’s lofted too, and Jisung has to hold on tight to make sure he doesn’t fall off and break an arm. “He’s just.... He’s perfect, isn’t he?” Jisung wants to disagree but it’s hard when he’s seen first hand how wonderful Jaemin is, especially with Renjun. 

“He treats you well,” Jisung agrees. “And you really deserve that, hyung. If Jaemin makes you happy, then I think you should go for it,” he advises sincerely, not even feeling sad about it. 

All Jisung has ever wanted was for Renjun to be loved exactly how he deserved, especially after being hurt over and over again by people close to him. Jaemin was made to give love, and Jisung has no doubt in his mind that he would treat him right. 

Jaemin is constantly complimenting Renjun and telling him that he’s pretty. He’s a photographer, and loves having Renjun act as his model (Jisung doesn’t mind this either and one of the pictures is the screensaver on his laptop.) He also comforts and reassures Renjun when he is feeling stressed about school. 

More than anything, he never fails to show Renjun his worth. He reminds Renjun over and over again how phenomenal he is, and how worthy he is of all the good things in the world. Things Jisung wishes he had the courage to say, Jaemin says easily, without reservations. 

So Jisung wholeheartedly gives Renjun his blessing, and tells him to get his man. Because he is sure that the two of them will make a beautiful couple and he makes Renjun happy. It’s as simple as that. 

What Jisung is not expecting is the facetime call he gets from Renjun the day after he leaves, the older boy crying softly. Apparently Jaemin told him that he was asking someone on a date, and that someone is not Renjun. 

It is a shock to everyone to learn that Na Jaemin is in fact, straight. When Jisung finds out, his jaw hits the floor, and Donghyuck (who attends the same University and is in the same friend group as both Renjun and Jaemin) was so surprised that he was actually speechless for the first time in his entire life.

After the Na Jaemin debacle, Renjun chooses not to date for a while. This just means that Jisung finds himself spending more weekends with the older boy than he anticipated. They fall into a familiar routine with each other, Jisung spending Friday-Sunday in Renjun’s dorm with him most weekends. 

At this point, Jisung has become friends with a lot of Renjun’s friends, and has even invited Chenle to hang out with them a couple of times. Jisung feels so at home, that it comes as no surprise to anyone when he chooses to apply to the same university. 

When he gets the acceptance letter in the mail, he hesitates to open it. He stares at it in his hands for so long, he doesn’t notice his mother walking into the room, struggling with a pair of earrings as she looks around the room for something. 

“What’s that you got, Jisungie?” she asks, looking at the envelope in his hands before walking past him. 

“It’s my admission letter for SMU. I’m kind of scared to open it. Do you want to stay here and see what it says? I think I need some moral support right now,” he asks nervously. 

“I’m sorry Jisung, I have to go meet a client right now. Your dad is already there waiting for me,” she explains apologetically, something that Jisung has grown used to over the years. 

“It will only take a minute,” Jisung argues meekly, but she is already heading towards the door, having found what she was looking for. 

“I’ll see you later, Jisung. Good luck, I’m sure it’ll all work out,” she calls out, and she’s gone just as quickly as she arrived. 

Jisung calls Renjun and recounts the entire story to the older boy bitterly. Renjun takes two trains, skips dinner, and is there within an hour. Jisung knows the boy has an exam the next morning, but Renjun reassures him that this is more important. 

“I want to be there for you when you open it,” Renjun answers as if the idea of him missing this moment in Jisung’s life is ludicrous. 

Jisung opens the letter with the bolded congratulations, and nearly cries as Renjun hugs him from behind, cheering and celebrating with him. This is a big moment for him, and because of Renjun, he doesn’t have to experience it alone. 

“Aren’t you excited?” Renjun practically screams in his ear. “Let’s celebrate. We’re going to be together again!” he announces cheerfully. 

_We've never really been apart_ , Jisung wants to argue, but instead he leans back into Renjun’s embrace and let’s himself enjoy the moment. He’s proud of himself dammit, and there is no one else he would rather celebrate his victories with. 

☽

(5)

Renjun helps Jisung move into his new dorm room on a hot day at the end of summer. Jisung’s roommate (Chenle) isn’t arriving until the next day, so they take their time decorating and making sure that Jisung is settled. 

Renjun, unsurprisingly, takes Jisung under his wing, and the two of them explore campus, Renjun showing Jisung the best places to study, the worst places to party, and the best place to go when he is feeling overwhelmed (which is coincidentally, Renjun’s own apartment that he rents with Jaemin and Donghyuck.)

Jisung does a great job at making friends and finding people in his major that he can connect with. However, a lot of his time is spent with Renjun. He usually goes to class, then various extracurriculars, before heading to Renjun’s apartment to spend the evening. On the weekends he goes out with his group of friends, which includes Renjun, Mark, Donghyuck, Chenle, Jaemin, and Jeno. 

Jeno is the only member of the group that Jisung wasn’t already familiar with, given that he was Jaemin’s childhood friend and joined the group quite late. To be honest, Jisung still feels slightly awkward in his presence but he is sure they will become closer over time. Especially because Jeno seems to _always_ be at Renjun’s apartment. 

Jisung doesn’t think anything of it, until he starts to notice some things. Like how Jeno will come up to Renjun and hold him by the waist when talking to him, or how he’ll smile brightly and laugh at Renjun’s jokes, no matter how lame they are. It doesn’t click until Jisung looks at Renjun and sees the look. The same look he has seen four times prior, a look that has never been directed at him. 

In Renjun’s tiny student apartment, as he laughs at Jeno’s stupid little dance, Jisung finally breaks. It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back and Jisung knows he has to get out of there. He stands up immediately and heads to the door, barely acknowledging the confused looks he is getting from everyone. 

“Jisung?” Renjun questions, “Is everything alright?” He seems concerned, but Jisung cannot bring himself to reassure him in the moment. He needs to be selfish for once and let his self preservation instinct kick in. 

“I forgot I had something to do,” Jisung mumbles, slipping his shoes on, not bothering to explain himself further. “I’ll talk to you guys later,” and with that he’s out the door. 

He doesn’t go home immediately, instead choosing to go for a walk around campus and sort out his thoughts. Because Jisung knows he can’t keep doing this. He can’t go through with the heartbreak of watching Renjun fall in love over and over again. Eventually, he needs to accept that it’s never going to happen between him and Renjun. It’s time to finally move on. 

Jisung decides the best plan of action is to take a step back from Renjun and sort out his feelings. It hurts to not be around him everyday, especially since he has gotten so used to the other boy’s presence. But watching him laughing with Jeno hurts even more, so he supposes he is making a wise decision in the end. 

Renjun, of course, notices his absence immediately. He texts Jisung periodically asking where the boy is and if he can see him, all of which Jisung ignores or makes excuses for. The other boys catch on quickly too, but nobody mentions anything, at least at first. 

Jisung manages to avoid Renjun for a full two weeks before someone finally steps in. And of course, that person is Donghyuck. 

Jisung’s sleeping in on Sunday, because that is what Sundays are for, when he is woken up to loud and incessant knocking on his door. He drags himself out of bed, opens the door, and almost immediately tries to shut it again after realizing that it’s Donghyuck who has awoken his slumber. Donghyuck, however, is too quick for him and let’s himself in easily, immediately planting himself on Jisung’s bed. 

“Jisung, may I ask you kindly, where the _fuck_ you have been?” Donghyuck begins, cutting straight to the chase. Jisung sighs, knowing this conversation is not going to be easy. But because it’s Donghyuck, the only person who knows about Jisung’s feelings for Renjun, he knows that he can at least be honest. 

“I decided to take a step back from everyone for a little bit. It just became too much for me and I couldn’t deal with it anymore,” Jisung confesses. 

“Deal with what? Renjun is worried sick, Jisung, we all are. Talk to me, tell me what’s going on, please. We want to help,” Donghyuck pleads, more serious than Jisung has ever seen him.

“I can’t handle watching Renjun fall in love again with someone who isn’t me. Everytime I go over to your apartment, Jeno is always there and they are flirty and smiley, and Renjun gives him that look. That fucking look that he seems to give everyone but me. The look that practically screams ‘I’m so into you I can’t stand it,’” Jisung confesses, feeling breathless. 

Donghyuck looks at him in disbelief, mouth opening and closing as if trying to find the right words to say. When he finally replies, it isn’t exactly what he is expecting to hear. 

“Jisung, are you fucking stupid?” he asks. Jisung frowns at the accusation, but before he can interrupt, Donghyuck continues speaking. 

“Jeno is at our apartment all of the time because he is _my_ boyfriend. I don’t know how you failed to realize that, but we’ve been dating for the past month,” Donghyuck explains, making Jisung understand that yes, he is fucking stupid. 

“Also he looks at Jeno the same way he looks at all of the rest of us because we are all his friends. He is fond of us in a friendly, platonic manner. He likes us,” Donghyuck continues. 

“But if that’s the case, then how come he doesn’t look at me like that?” Jisung questions. “I’m his friend too and he has never given me that look. I would know, I recognize it well.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, making Jisung feel like he is missing the point of something much more grand. “He may like us, but he loves you, you idiot. You think the way he looks at us is special? Jisung, he looks at you like you hold the key to the entire universe. You mean everything to him,” Donghyuck explains. 

Jisung doesn’t want to believe it. Everything Donghyuck is saying is just too good to be true. It’s everything he’s ever wanted to hear and more, but he can’t let himself get his hopes up. Not yet, anyway. 

“He’s been really down, Sung. He asked me if I thought he did something wrong, something to offend you. He’s blaming himself, even though he didn’t do anything…” Donghyuck trails off. 

“B-but, I didn’t mean for that to happen. I didn’t want to make him sad, I just wanted to give him some space for a bit while I sorted out my feelings,” Jisung says, trying to explain himself. 

“And that was a dumb idea. You need to be an adult and talk to him about it. I am 99% sure that if you confess, Renjun will reciprocate your feelings. And even if he doesn’t then at least you’ll know officially and can move on. Doesn’t that sound appealing? To know for sure and not have to let the wonder of what could be eat away at you?” Donghyuck replies. 

Jisung takes in everything Donghyuck is saying and he knows he is right. He’s been terrified to confess to Renjun, ever since he first found out about his feelings all those years ago. But dammit, it would really feel nice to know for sure one way or another, once and for all. 

“He’s home alone right now. Me and Jaemin aren’t going to be home until tonight. Go talk to him, and see what happens,” is all Donghyuck supplies before walking out of his dorm. 

Jisung sits at his desk staring at the wall and contemplating all of his choices for an hour before getting up abruptly, and getting ready. He knows what he needs to do. 

Jisung had always thought that he would confess to Renjun when the timing was right, but he now knows that there will never be a right time. And if he doesn’t hurry, Renjun could fall for someone else for real this time, and Jisung would miss his chance once again. And that’s all he wants really, is for Renjun to hear him out and give him a chance. 

He’s at Renjun’s apartment before he has even thought about what he wants to say. He’s barely knocked on the door for ten seconds before Renjun is swinging the door open, and pulling him in for a hug, squeezing him tight.

“Where have you been?” Renjun asks, whispers into his ear. “Are you okay?” he pulls away, inspecting Jisung, looking for any sign that he is unwell. The action is enough to make Jisung feel incredibly guilty for the unfair way he has treated Renjun in the past couple of weeks. 

“Can we talk?” Jisung asks, to which Renjun immediately nods, pulling him towards the couch for them to sit and discuss things. 

Jisung takes a deep breath, thinks _wow, I'm really doing this_ , and begins. “Remember a couple of years ago, when we were talking about the universe, and you asked me if I believed in soulmates?” he asks. 

Renjun looks stricken at the question, “Did you meet someone? Is that why you’ve gone MIA? Did you meet someone that you think is your soulmate?” he asks, biting his lip nervously. 

Jisung shakes his head. “Just let me finish, okay? You asked me if I believed in soulmates, and I said no, that I thought it was too good to be true. But I don’t actually believe that. Because every day I spend with you, I feel so connected to you, like we were… like we were made for each other. And I could think of my dream person in my head, and they still wouldn’t be as good for me as you, because you are better than anything I could have ever imagined for myself and more.” 

Renjun looks at him wide-eyed, opening his mouth to speak, but Jisung won’t let him. Instead he continues, “I was so jealous when you dated Donghyuck all of those years ago. That was when I really realized how much I loved you. But I was so afraid to confess to you because I couldn’t lose you. You were the only family I’ve ever had, and I was terrified that I would ruin it. So instead I watched you fall in love with other people, and chose to support you no matter how much it hurt.”

“But I realized that if I didn’t say something now, I might never will. And you could easily fall for someone else and I could miss my window of opportunity again. And I know this probably sounds like it’s coming from left field, and you probably don’t feel the same way, but at the very least, I wanted you to know that I’m in love with you. I always have been,” Jisung finishes, refusing to meet Renjun’s eyes. 

That is, until Renjun forces him to, lifting his chin to meet his eyes, which are filled with tears, vulnerable, yet almost hopeful. “You love me so much that you were willing to watch me fall in love with other people, just because you wanted me to be happy?” Renjun asks incredulously. Jisung nods meekly in response, afraid that if he opens his mouth, he’ll just start sobbing. 

“Jisung, baby, you’re so good to me. And I want to be good to you too more than anything,” Renjun breathes, holding Jisung’s face tight in his hands, like he is afraid that if he lets go he’ll disappear. 

“Hyung, you were my first love. I wanted to be your first, or second, or third or fourth. I wanted to be enough for you so bad,” Jisung sobs, tears finally flowing from his eyes. 

“You’ve always been enough for me, Sungie. I promise you you’re enough. For a long time I didn’t realize it, I couldn’t understand why everything felt so right with you, but now I do. You may have been my first love, Jisung, but you’re my last. It’s always been you, and I can’t imagine there ever being anyone else,” Renjun confesses. 

“What are you trying to say?” Jisung asks, voice shaking, desperate to hear the words that are practically on the tip of his tongue. 

“I’m in love with you, Jisung,” Renjun admits. “I can’t imagine any universe where I exist without you right by my side. If soulmates exist, it couldn’t be anyone but you. It has to be you, Sungie,” he whispers, before leaning in and kissing him square on the mouth. 

Jisung feels every emotion hit him at once, an overwhelming feeling overtaking his body. After years of watching Renjun being happy with other people, it’s finally his turn. It was a journey, one step closer, then two steps back, but he has finally reached his destination. He is finally where he was always meant to be: in Renjun’s arms. 

Not much changes after that. It occurs to Jisung rather quickly that Renjun and him were basically already a couple, only now they kiss and go on dates, and plan their future together. And when Renjun looks at him, it’s not as a friend, or a crush, or fling. It's something much more, something deeper. A soulmate perhaps. 

☽

(+1)

The seven of them gather for a special meal at the end of the semester to celebrate getting through hell week. Renjun, Donghyuck, and Jaemin cook for them at their apartment, Mark supplies the alcohol, Chenle makes dessert, and Jeno and Jisung aren’t allowed to touch anything. 

As they gather around the table, Mark makes an off-handed comment, “Isn’t it funny that Renjun has had a crush on all of us except Jeno?” 

“Hey! Why didn’t you like me too?” Jeno pouts, offended to not be included. “Because Donghyuck would have killed me,” is all Renjun needs to reply in order to appease him. 

“To be fair, we’ve all had a crush on him back, except for Jaemin. I say we make our friendship group a Renjun harem and start worshipping him how he deserves,” Donghyuck replies to which they all agree. 

“I know I am straight, but I also want to join Renjun harem,” Jaemin replies. “I would feel left out if you all excluded me from the Renjun love fest,” he jokes. 

“Now, now, that’s not going to happen. None of this is going to happen because it would make Jisungie sad. He’s already had to pine over Renjun while he dated other people and I’m sure he doesn’t want to go through that again, right Jisung?” Chenle asks jokingly. 

“Actually,” Jisung begins rather seriously. “Renjun liking you guys brought you all into my life, and you’ve become the family that I never had. I think a little heartbreak was worth it to have all of you in my life,” he says honestly. The room gets quiet, before Jaemin gets up and pulls Jisung in for a hug, the rest of them joining soon after. 

Amidst the huddle, he feels a hand reach out and give his own a squeeze, and looks up to find Renjun smiling at him brightly. Jisung knows deep down, in every universe that exists, that these people are there right beside him. It’s simply meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> normally i ramble in the end notes but i truly have nothing to say this time lmao.
> 
> leave me a comment with thoughts, criticisms, praises etc. my twitter and curious cat are linked below, and until next time, xoxo. 
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/lefargenjeno)
> 
> [my cc](https://curiouscat.me/lefargen)


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